Hi this is another tmi post by Misha
The other day I went on a date with this dude and the best part was when I told him to leave at 1 in the morning.
This probably sounds like a snarky way to say that he was bad at sex – which he definitely was – but it’s also a heartwarming story about how, for the first time since I was 15 years old, I stopped having sex with someone I didn’t want to be having sex with.
My cousin told me this utterly legendary story about her best friend in high school who, at the tender age of 17, found herself getting bored while giving a blow job at a party – you know, as one so often does. So she did what any rational human would do (and something I’ve never, ever done): she got up, said, “Sorry, I don’t really feel like doing this anymore,” AND WALKED OUT.
I’ve been carrying this story around with me for like 10 years, hoping that someday I’d be as self-possessed as a drunk, snotty 17 year old. And now it’s finally happened.
I wish I could tell you the secret to my success – what made this sex I didn’t want to be having different from all the other sexes I never wanted to have but had anyway because it was marginally easier than not having them – but honestly it was probably just that I’d recently washed my sheets and having to wash them again in the morning for something this pointless was an indignity that I simply couldn’t bring myself to face.
So I looked up into his lovely brown eyes and said, “Think we’re gonna have to call this a night.”
And then what happened next, you ask? He grumbled a little as he was putting on his pants about how he hadn’t, you know, “finished or whatever” (which, lol. yeah dude, me neither. does the audacity of men know no bounds?) BUT THEN HE JUST LEFT. IT’S LIKE THIS WHOLE TIME I COULD HAVE BEEN HAVING SEX ONLY WHEN AND WITH WHOM I WANTED TO BE HAVING SEX BC I’M A GROWN ASS WOMAN WITH AGENCY AND YOU CAN TOO.
So anyway, I was walking around in this haze of sexual empowerment when The Love-Inn’s video for Split Lip came into my life. It tells a story about a female led punk band just trying to play a gig at this shitty underage party whilst being harassed by a manchild wearing ironic overalls. Without giving too much away, the charmingly under-produced video also features glitter, a fist fight, and the line “I’m waking up, it’s four in the morning / My head is spinning, I’m sick of your shit.”
The whole thing brings a smile to my face. I like to think that if you paused it in the right place and squinted real hard at the background you’d be able to see a snotty 17 year old refusing to finish her first boring blow job.
The Love-Inns are Ariela Barer and Eden Hain. Their debut album comes out June 20 (next week!) which I am v excited about. Los Angelenos, don’t miss them at Los Globos on July 12th. Tix here. The band would also like me to relay one very important point which is that they are NOT A GIRL BAND.