TUNES // Blond Ambition – Confused 4EVR

By Ben

“What might have been is an abstraction
Remaining a perpetual possibility
Only in a world of speculation.
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present.”

T. S. Eliot – “Four Quartets”

Expectations. They aren’t tangible, but they still demand my attention. They haven’t occurred, but they’ve already happened a hundred times in my mind. They’re attached to my perception of the future and yet dominate the present.

If expectations are only a creation of my mind, then perhaps they’re a simulacrum of my deeper desires. They’re a distorted often alluring reason for me to do some really stupid shit. They meander through dreams and stir me from sleep with an audacious amount of raw emotion. They prey on things I truly fear or want and often fade in the morning with consciousness and denial.

I’m dreaming now

I’m dreaming now

I’m dreaming now

I’m racing along. Seemingly innocuous thoughts incubate together and when strung along they begin to illuminate the road ahead. There’s that glow of déjà vu. I refuse to use a map. The highway signs are a radial blur. I’m nuzzling up to these illusions in the driver’s seat; they’re siphoning my self-worth. These desires of the heart should only be reserved for a select few.

And there’s only one way forward: an entrance to a tunnel awash in pools of alluring color. I’m rolling down the glass. Laying my head out the window face-up I cradle the bottom of the steering wheel with my left hand, letting the direction deviate to and fro. As the wind rushes by, I’m lost in the cyclical whoosh from the light fixtures above.

Sound dwindles to nothing. I let go of the steering wheel…

There’s my face in the mirror. The morning rays are prevocational. Each flaw rears its head.  At least I can see them a lot better now.


Blond Ambition (Brian Harding) just released his debut album Slow All Over earlier this month. It’s wonderful, eclectic, and well worth a full listen. “Confused 4EVR” in particular has echoes of artists like Nicolas Jaar or Nick Murphy (AKA Chet Faker.) Therefore, I’d suggest throwing it on during a brooding midnight drive. 

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